Friday, March 12, 2010

Things you must get past... order to be maritally capable. A better title might be, "things I must get past", or "things I have gotten/am getting past". Now this is primarily directed toward other single men like myself who, though capable of attracting the ladies, have held off on really truly pursuing somebody as a marriage partner--out of immaturity. But I suppose it can apply just as much to any girls reading. I am grateful to some preachers who, though I have not met most of them, became mentors to me in this area through their sermons, especially their sermons on marriage, dating, singleness, etc. Those are Paul Washer (see especially "Marriage and the Gospel"), Matt Chandler (especially "Sanctification and Marriage"), and JR Vassar ("Intentional Singleness"). They all deal a lot with young men and are versed in directly confronting their immaturity. They confronted mine. Things are happening.

You must get past all the sensual allurements of the foreign exchange student, the super-energetic hottie whom everybody wants (though she is no less godly than the less-energetic ones), desires for physical perfection (as if you were physically perfect), and you must get past an excessive desire for challenge. This is a cluster of fleshly desire that has kept many a man holding out for the "ultimate". (It turns out God is the ultimate, not some woman!)

I remember watching the movie Tombstone, about a year ago. I'm talking about the one with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp meets this gorgeous woman who sings. And she's quite capable in the area of flirting. In one gripping (for me, at least) scene the two of them (oh, and by the way, Wyatt Earp is married, albeit to a cray lady) are on their horses, and Wyatt (played by Kurt...hmm...) chases her. She says somethng about her horse being in heat, too. I suppose the whole thing is more intentionally provocative than I realized. But it impacted me, and confirmed in my mind that I needed to go out and find that "ultimate" woman and chase her down on my horse and marry her (at that point I was sure she would be found in Arizona, both the setting of the movie and the place I would be living soon). I could only have one wife (sure, Kurt Russell gets two, but I love Jesus). So I needed to pursue the ultimate--even if that meant waiting until I was in the ideal situation for me to do so...perhaps established in some ministry, at a church where I fit in well, giving me all the leverage of confidence and expression necessary. This could take years--but anything for that brilliant, curvaceous, blonde, no wait brunette, no wait blonde, no wait I can't even decide, godly, faithful, loving woman who had somehow also, like me, remained single. Oh, and did I mention the challenge? In the past when a girl I liked suddenly liked me back, and it became obvious, I usually got a little freaked out, and lost interest, and felt guilty about the whole thing, and stopped pursuing. This is because I wanted the "ultimate"--and surely the "ultimate" could not be that easy.

The desire to pursue the ultimate is not from Satan, or our flesh, or our culture. The desire to pursue the ultimate is from God Himself. And God Himself IS the ultimate. This is where I was going wrong. It was all based on self-love and selfishness. I wanted to pursue ultimate pleasure for myself, in things, rather than pursuing ultimate pleasure for myself, mankind, and God through pursuing and enjoying God as supremely valuable over all things. And should I spend my days going home to a supermodel when the world around is perishing? Should I dream of a flawed relationship with a sinful person for a lifetime instead of dreaming of the wonders of eternity and pursuing them? Does that make any sense?

Pursue the true Ultimate and stop trying to find it in a woman (or a man). You will be both healthier and more fit for marriage.


Dianne Michelle said...

Thanks for this. Encouraging for those of us who feel enslaved to our desire for the Ultimate and are now justified in the right direction of that desire.

Elizabeth R. said...

I like this.

stephy said...

I like this too. Good luck on the journey!

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